Log Book: Mate san's failed assassination attempts
by animeo
Summary: A box mysteriously arrives at the Rikkai club house, and Niou finds it. Inside are a strange item and a weird little book, depicting some failed attempts on a certain hat's life. Needless to say everyone involved is confused by this. Implied Tango Pair.


**Alright so I got totally bored in Chemistry and Pre-Cal and came up with this (Strange things come from my mind when I get done with work early!) I started thinking about Tango Pair and Atobe's dislike for Sanada's hat, that poor hat never did anything other than sit there and protect Sanada's pretty little head. So what if he started keeping a log book of it? Not Sanada his hat...duh! Yea I don't know really... HAHAHA! ENJOY!**

* * *

"Ah? What's this?" Niou muttered picking up a package from in front of the clubhouse. Yagyuu insisted that they get there early today, for what reason he didn't know, they were just there.

"What did you find Niou-kun?" Yagyuu asked, peering over Niou's shoulder.

"Some box, it's addressed to Sanada, wonder what it is…" Niou proceeded to examine the outside of the box in a scrutinizing manner notating the lack of return address, a poor taping job, and some dirt that sullied the outside of the white box.

"Niou-kun, it isn't for you so don't…never mind." Yagyuu reconsidered his warning, seeing as how Niou had already pried the tape off and was undoing the flaps. There was a book inside, a simple black and white composition book with "Log book: Mate-san's failed assassination attempts." written on the cover in neat kanji.

"What the hell is this?" Niou muttered quietly as he flipped to a random page and began to read.

* * *

_Log date: February 7__th_

_Location: In Mate-san's bedroom_

_Condition: Still wearable_

_Health: 82 percent_

_Master's mate decided to try and be rid of me again today. Once again, no such luck. Such poor attempts he makes at my life, Tarundoru. Though I will say that today's was the most cunning yet. The fireplace, such a disgraceful way to end my long life, thankfully master saw me and rescued me from the dark flames of hell. Better luck next time mate-san._

_Today's battle scars: A singe mark on the left hand quadrant of my bill._

_Today's logged conversation:_

"_Keigo, you should be more careful." Sanada said beating off the ashes from his hat. "It could have caught on fire."_

_Atobe glared at the abomination. Oh damn, why didn't it? It really shouldn't be that hard to get rid of a hat, should it?_

"_I'm sorry Genichirou, but I like how your hair feels," Atobe reached out and touched a few strands that weren't covered by Sanada's , now donned, hat. "That hat merely get's in my way."_

"_It's a comfortable hat, and practical." Sanada reasoned._

"_Perhaps when you are playing tennis, but _not_ when you are here in Ore-sama's home and making out with me! As I said, it get's in the way." Reasonable enough logic, Sanada really couldn't argue with it. He just chose to ignore it because, despite Atobe being number one right now, the hat as there first, and deserved the respect in it's old age of five years._

* * *

"Seriously…what the hell?" Niou questioned again. Yagyuu looked over and sighed.

"What is it?"

"It's some creepy log book, it's just as creepy as when I stole Renji's Data book and decoded it. Look at this." Niou shoved the book at Yagyuu who read over the page. His brow furrowed as he read over it again, and then a third time.

"That's…not normal at all, Niou-kun we shouldn't look at this." Yagyuu closed the notebook and sat it back inside the box.

"Wait! I want to see what else is in there." Niou snatched the box away and took the note book out and saw something else at the bottom wrapped in plastic. "Ah, something else for Sanada eh?" A smirk played onto Niou's face as he dug out the object. Once he laid eyes on it, however, he quickly dropped it and blanched. If Yanagi ever checked for prints he did not want to be subjected to questioning as to why he had handled the bag. This was one sick bastard that pulled this one, Niou had to give them that, whoever they were. Picking up the notebook he opened it to another page.

* * *

_Log date: January 9th_

_Location: In a park some where with Mate-san._

_Condition: sopping wet_

_Health: 74 percent_

_Mate-san is getting more resourceful in his attempts. Today I was blown off of master's head by a breeze (I assume that Mate-san knew of the winds today and that is why he asked for the outing on such a disastrous day) and landed in a pond. Master was so distraught that he jumped into he dark, liquid abyss to save me. I was touched really, that Master cares that much for me. Mate-san was quite displeased with the outcome._

_Today's battle scars: None, other than the high possibility of mildew._

_No Conversatin logged today other than Yelling from Master about my well being and hysterical laughter from Mate-san about my supposed demise._

* * *

Definitely someone who wasn't right at all, who would want to stalk Sanada and Atobe? That was just boring, Niou could personally attest to this. There wasn't anything special about the two so why go through this much trouble to hurt Sanada. Niou didn't care about the well being of his fukubuchou, but this was a little over the top on the imagination scale…even for him.

Sanada came through the door of the clubhouse, with out his hat on again for the second month in a row. It was odd seeing him without it. He seemed sort of lost at times during practice, because he couldn't tug on it. It was habitual of him to grab the bill of the cap when he was embarrassed about something or other things of that nature. He couldn't now, because his hat was missing. All he would do is grab air and then look up, frown and sit down on one of the benches sighing. It was pretty sad to think that he was that attached to the cap.

"Oi, Sanada, a package came for you." Niou pushed to box across the table towards Sanada, eyed it warily. "Don't worry there isn't a bomb in it, it just arrived."

Sanada's eyes narrowed at Niou, wondering if he should in fact open the box. He looked at it closely, seeing that the seal had already been broken and the contents looked in upon, he figured it to be safe…for the most part.

All that was inside was a notebook and a bag of something. Sanada ignored the bag and picked up the notebook, notating the same title that Niou had earlier. "What does that mean?"

"I don't know either, since it's for you I figured you'd have some semblance of a clue."

Sanada shook his head no, "I don't actually."

"Well open it up and see if there is anything in it that helps you out."

Sanada opened to the middle of the composition notebook and began to read.

* * *

_Log date: March 4th_

_Location: In some part of Mate-san's garden_

_Condition: …dirty_

_Health: Declining rapidly._

_I don't know where I am currently, but the last thing I saw was Mate-san and a big, white beast that came to the name of…Beat, and an earth removal device. After that I was gagged and stuffed into a small holding container. Darkness flooded my vision, with earth caving in around me, I will admit I'm slightly terrified for my well being. I will keep faith though that Master will come for me._

Sanada looked over at the other paged, puzzled by these random like entries.

_Log date: …unknown_

_Location: Still in some part of Mate-san's garden_

_Condition: blind, deaf, and dumb to all around me_

_Health: BWAHAHHAAHHA…crazy…._

_Hattie here! HOW YA DOIN'!? I'm fine right now, actually I'm not in at the moment, please leave a message…NO WAIT DON'T! I don't wanna talk you, so don't leave a message….so that I won't have to get back to you later on…._

_BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP….beep._

_Ugh, Mate-san has won the war I believe. I have failed my promise to Master's beloved head of silky, soft locks. I'm sorry MASTER! I wish I could be there to protect you from the sun shiney sun ray…stuff!_

* * *

Sanada glared at the page, what was that supposed to mean? None of that made any sense to him. He sat the notebook down and picked up the plastic bag.

His eyes widened at the contents. Inside was his hat covered in dirt, grubs, an earthworms that were slithering in and out of the holes they had eaten through the material. Who would do something like this to his poor hat? It hadn't done anything to anyone. The only person that disliked it was Atobe, but he would never touch dirt long enough to do this. Wait, now that second to last entry made some sense. Sanada flipped to the page and read it again.

"_-the last thing I saw was Mate-san and a big, white beast that came to the name of…Beat, and an earth removal device ."_

The "Earth removal device" must have been a shovel. Though Beat could have just dug a hole like he normally did and Atobe could have filled it back in with Sanada's hat as the foundation. He knew that Atobe disliked the hate, but not to this extent. His poor hat. He could at least give it a proper burial now that he had it back in his possession. Well that is he could _after_ he called Atobe and demanded an explanation, which he was going to do right now.

"What do you want? Ore-sama is busy with practice." Was the first thing Atobe said once he had picked up.

"I want to know why you buried my hat in your garden." Sanada asked forcefully.

"What do you mean? Ore-sama did nothing of the sorts. Dirt is disgusting, so why would I go through the trouble of burying your hat in it? How would I get it off? You wear the thing constantly, though as of late you have been without it."

"That's because you buried it in your garden." Sanada said drylyAtobe paused for a moment and then said, "If I did, how would you know of it?"

"Because I have this little book in front of me that tells me so. It even tells about the time my hat came close to catching on fire, and no one else was in the room at that moment."

"So, that doesn't mean anything."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Ore-sama knows nothing of a log book dictating my several attempts on your hat." Atobe spat out quickly.

"I never said it was a log book, I just said it was a notebook telling about that time."

"Same difference, I assumed."

"Just admit you buried my hat and let it get eaten by grubs and worms." Sanada sighed, "I've got practice as well."

"…Fine. Ore-sama admits to the task." Atobe hissed. "I just found the book in my room though afterwards."

"So you mailed me my hat and the book that goes with it?" Sanada asked. He looked over at the book again.

"Yes."

"I still want to know how the words got in there though, the handwriting is very neat. A person of skill wrote in there."

"I don't know, I just found it and assumed it was yours. It sounded enough like you, it even had "Tarundoru" written in there several times."

"Why would I keep a log book of those things? That's pointless."

"This conversation is pointless Genichirou, now Ore-sama has practice as of the moment, I'll talk to you later." Atobe said hanging up.

"…ok…" Sanada said even though the line was dead. He really did want to know who wrote that log book. It couldn't have been his hat no matter how reasonable it sounded, just it took special wording to get it to sound logical. His hat cared for him? That was all that Sanada could get out of it. He shook his head and began to change. He had been hanging around Atobe too long, his thoughts were becoming disarranged. Hats writing log books on peoples attempts to get rid of them, that's crazy talk. Hats can't do that…or can they?

* * *

**Yea or do they? Think about the next time you throw down your hat or something of that like, they just might be writing it down somewhere.**

**Yes Sanada's hat has good handwriting because Sanada practices Calligraphy religiously almost. He's a weridy haha ( -.-) Total weirdo. HEHE it said Tarundoru just like his master, that's great. Also if you didn't catch on "Mate-san" is Atobe, and wee Atobe's dog Beat was mentioned! wah, this is nice.**

**Reviews!**

**animeo**


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